Bitter-Sweet Holidays

The Holidays can be bitter-sweet for many individuals and families. The holidays are a sweet experience as we gather and celebrate. The holidays are a bitter experience because someone is not going to be present with us. There is not a timeline by which to determine when the bitter time is complete. We will always miss our loved one. Hopefully, the grim times of missing our loved one will be less difficult as time goes by, but his/her absence will always be noticed. I share a suggestion for journeying through any bitter-sweet holidays. My suggestion is a general suggestion because each of us will deal with our grieving as we have developed our specific grief patterns from the past. My suggestion is that we do not ignore the loved one’s absence. Talk about him/her. One family bakes mother’s favorite pie at Christmas and it has a special place on the table. It is Mom’s continuing gift, even after she has passed. This family has also gathered some of mom’s favorite recipes and gave that collection as gifts. Not only was this a cherished gift to her children and grandchildren, but Mom knew they were going to do this as she was in the process of dying. She told me how that pleased her knowing that she was going to be remembered. Perhaps the family could gift some of Dad’s or Grandpa’s tools. With any such gifts, tell the stories of the recipes or tools. The holidays, as the family has gathered, is a wonderful time to tell the stories of our parents, grandparents, and ancestors. One of the most valuable gifts for children, grandchildren are the stories of their ancestors. I have fond memories of my grandmother talking about fording the Red River in a wagon and team of horses as she and her parents, my great-grandparents, traveled from Texas to Oklahoma. As you journey through a bitter-sweet Holiday season, realize that you already have some of the most wonderful gifts to share—the stories of the family.