Experiencing Grief

My wife of 63 years died five days ago. I have taught grief work in two seminaries as well as countless churches. Experiencing grief and teaching about it are different things. When I am asked about myself, I respond “I’m okay, I’m not okay and that’s okay.” I know that grief lasts forever but, also, grief is not permanent. I’m lonely in our home and I welcome solitude. I listen to quiet instrumental music and have little interest in television. I don’t care who won Jeopardy and I have no interest in international or national events about which I can do nothing. The preacher preached about the good life in Jesus. I believe that most days but not currently. I cannot comprehend that my wife, who was so alive and vital, now exists in a dimension where I can’t reach her--not yet. It may be true that I am learning by experiencing something I need to learn; however, I really did not want to know whatever this new learning is, and especially not this way. Our home is quiet and that’s okay and it is not okay.