Relationship, not efficiency

I have begun work after a long-extended absence. I chose to call the folks to see about rescheduling. I could write an email or text. Emails and texts could certainly convey the appropriate information. However, I like to hear a person’s voice. No two voices are the same. The voice carries something unique about the person and that person’s personality. I am interested, not only in conveying appropriate information but hearing their unique voice. Calling may be more ‘work’, but my desire is not efficiency but relationship.

Experiencing Grief

My wife of 63 years died five days ago. I have taught grief work in two seminaries as well as countless churches. Experiencing grief and teaching about it are different things. When I am asked about myself, I respond “I’m okay, I’m not okay and that’s okay.” I know that grief lasts forever but, also, grief is not permanent. I’m lonely in our home and I welcome solitude. I listen to quiet instrumental music and have little interest in television. I don’t care who won Jeopardy and I have no interest in international or national events about which I can do nothing. The preacher preached about the good life in Jesus. I believe that most days but not currently. I cannot comprehend that my wife, who was so alive and vital, now exists in a dimension where I can’t reach her--not yet. It may be true that I am learning by experiencing something I need to learn; however, I really did not want to know whatever this new learning is, and especially not this way. Our home is quiet and that’s okay and it is not okay.