Prayer Attributed to a Mother Superior (7th Century)

Lord, you know me better than I know myself and that I am growing older, and someday I will be old. Keep me from getting talkative and particularly from the fatal habit of thinking that I must say something on every subject and on every occasion. Release me from craving to strighten out everybody’s affairs. Keep my mind from the recital of endless details – give me wings to come to the point. I ask for grace enough to listen to the tales of others’ pains but seal my lips on my own aches and pains – they are increasing and my love of rehearsing them is becoming sweeter and sweeter as the years go by. Help me to endure them with patience. I dare not ask for improved memory, but for growing humility and a lessening cocksureness when my memory seems to clash with the memories of others. Teach me the glorious lesson that occasionally it is possible that I may be mistaken. Keep me reasonably sweet. I do not want to be a saint – some of them are so hard to live with – but a sour old man is one of the crowning works of the devil. Give me the ability to see good things in unexpected places, and talents in unexpected people. And give me, O Lord, the grace to tell them so. Make me thoughtful – but not moody; helpful, but not bossy. With my vast store of wisdom, it seems a pity to not use it all, but thou knowest Lord, that I want a few friends at the end. Amen

Margins

From my childhood, I learned to be just ‘on time’ is to be late. My father, who owned a furniture business, insisted that we open the store, turn on the lights and adjust the temperature before it was offically open. He wanted the store to be welcoming to an early customer. I later learned about ‘margins’ from Dr. Swenson’s book, Margins. In my practice as a psychotherapist, I always put a margin of 15 to 30 minutes between apointments. This may not be the most efficient use of my time, but it fits me. I have time to have a cup of tea, go to the restroom and review notes prior to the next person showing up. Using margins also means that I am ready when it is time to begin. I use margins when I am traveling. I don’t book flights with the least amount of time for a transfer. I don’t mind walking casually between airport gates and watching people. I think using margins also helps my mind to slow down. I like to give myself time to ponder decisions before making them. Practicing margins has helped me slow down and live more fully in the present. I even have time to write a blog— “blog” that’s a funny name. I’ll give myself some time to ponder that name, “blog”, interesting.

"No" to Death Sentences

Yesterday, September 30, 2026, the Tennessee government attempted to put to death, Ms. Christia Pike. They failed, even after two doses of the leathal injection. She did something terrible for which she needs consequences. Life and death, however, are God’s business, not the governments. I have great difficulty with folks who claim “right to life” for the unborn but support the death penalty. I believe “right to life” is right to life for everyone. I pray that in the very near future our government, both State and Federal, will do away with death sentences.

The Grace of Simplicity

The grace of simplicity (The Fifth Season, Mark Nepo). I am nearing the end of my 84th year. My wife of 63 years has died. I am in good physical and mental health. I continue to work as a psychotherapist four days a week. I continue to read daily. I continue to travel. I am enjoying this season of my life. I am, however, working at this grace of simplicity. I am trying more simplicity around the house, which I now refer to as “my hermitage” as there is no one else in the house. I have given away my wife’s clothing, jewelry, etc. I have taken furniture, a bicycle and golf clubs which I no longer use to Habitat’s Restore. My home is a simpler living space. I am eating more simply with more fruits and vegetables with less meat and desserts. I am meeting more friends for lunch as I attempt to balance solitude with socializing. My kids are nearby and we check on each other regularly. I am trying to learn the uniqueness of this season of my life and live it fully.

Liberal?

I have a strong Southern Baptist background. I was raised in a Southern Baptist home and extended Southern Baptist family; I went to Southern Baptist Churches. I have even been the Pastor of two Southern Baptist Churches. I attended a Southern Baptist University and Seminary. However, in recent years I have “fallen out” of the Southern Baptist tribe. Many call me a “liberal” which is used as a derogatory term in describing me and others of like mind. I think labels are stereotyping. Most folks are more complicated than the label describes. One example of my “liberal” thinking and behavior is related to homosexuality. I am very familiar of the Biblical teachings against homosexuality. However, when Jesus was asked about which is the greatest commandment, his answer was none of the famous ten from Moses’ time. His answer was about loving God and neighbors as one’s self, (Matthew 22:36-40 and Mark 12:28-31). Jesus also set the standard: “By this everyone will know that you are my disciples, if you love one another.” (John 13:35). I choose to follow Jesus’ teachings and not make the Bible a codified book of laws. I have chosen to love a gay couple by officiating their marriage; and “Yes, I would do it again.” I think Jesus was present and joined their marriage celebration. Heck, Jesus was in trouble with the ‘official religious folks’ of his time and, I believe he would also be today.

Where Did That Come From?

Complexes are puzzling and complex. According to depth psychologists, such as Jung, Hollis, Hillman, etc., complexes are bundles of energy left over and unprocessed from previous events, etc. We are usually dealing with a complex when our reaction to an event is “over-the-top,” such as too much energy in my reaction and response. When this happens, we usually ask ourselves, “Where did that come from?” It probably came from an emotional complex in our personal unconscious. Our personal unconscious may be imagined as the ‘basement’ of our life, whereas the ‘living room’ is imagined as where we live (these images are the work of the book, PART’S WORK, which I recommend). A complex is some energy that we seek to keep out of our daily living, for example, living room, but is still a part of us. When we ask ourselves, “Where did that come from?”, we need to take some time and honestly search out some answers to our question. In this honest search through our past experiences, we locate those events, etc. where the complex energy is located. When it is located and recognized, it loses much of its power over us and that’s a move toward emotional health for ourselves. This is similar to doing some emotional ‘basement cleaning.’ I wish I were better at recognizing my complexes so I would be less likely to ask myself, "Where did that come from?"

The “us” was more important than either the “me” or “you.”

My wife and I were married 63 years. She died July 15th. I may not know a lot about marriage, even as a Marriage and Family Therapist. However, I do know that it is important to always value and respect what drew you to your spouse. That which drew you together was probably different than what you possessed. The differences drew you and after a while, if we didn’t learn to handle them carefully, they became a problem. My wife loved structure and organization. She set goals and knew the steps to achieve them. I, on the other hand, loved flexibility and a laid-back spirit. I was a “go-with-the-flow” person. There were times she wished I was more like her and times I wished she were more like me. Such may have made our relationship easier, but it would have also been boring. We learned to honor and respect our differences. The “us” was more important than either the “me” or “you.” We also believed that when we sought God’s guidance, God would give one of us part of the answer and the other part of God’s response to the spouse. We had to honor, respect and seek God’s guidance through our mutual conversations and commitments. Neither of us had God’s compete answer. The “us” was more important than either the “me” or “you.”