A Rule for My Living

I am an 84-year-old, recently widowed, male. I am in good physical and mental health. I have sufficient financial resources. I need to work for the meaning and purpose which my present work gives me, i.e., spiritual psychotherapist. I am in what the Hindu’s call “the Forest Dweller” stage of development. Forest dwellers “are invited to become mature Elders, Sophias … who turn aging into a natural monastery [i.e., my home = hermitage] in order to carry tensions for the young, offer prophecy to the world, radiate God’s compassion, work at rescuing God from narrowness, bless the young, give God’s smile to the world, give up on fear, and proactively prepare to move to a place beyond the illusion of self-sufficiency.” Rohleiser, Insane for the Light, pg.93. Erick Erickson would label my stage of life as integrity vs. despair, which follows, and continues to involve, generativity vs. stagnation. Integrity means to have lived as God desired for me. Therefore, I have a few rules or guidelines for my living during these times in my life: 1. I will go to bed early and wake up early. 2. I will eat a healthy but simple breakfast, lunch and supper which minimizes salt, sugar, red meat, carbs, etc. I will eat slowly and in moderation. 3. I will read books that are ‘classics’ ex. Merton, Nouwen, Jung, Hillman, Eckhart, Evagrius, Cassian, etc. I desire to read works that challenge my ideas, thoughts, etc. I will purchase books on Kindle, as I am giving away my physical library. 4. I will live simply and not give in to coveting, envy and/or greed. This will involve setting work-home schedules with margins and empty times. I will seek to choose clothing, furniture, etc. that are not made in countries with child/slave labor. 5. I will set aside no less than fifteen minutes each day for mindful silence. 6. I will set aside no less than fifteen minutes each day with pray and praying that the Bible will read me. I believe God’s word is so alive it can find me with guidance and wisdom when I am ready. 7. I will journal daily and my journaling will be a written prayer asking God what shall we do with the opportunities before us as well as what we have done with those opportunities? Note the “we” as I am seeking to practice the presence of God and the “we” helps my attentiveness. 8. I will not do #s 5, 6 and 7 every day of the week otherwise I could develop obsessive compulsive disorder (even God took a break, i.e., sabbath). 9. My Rule of Living is a work in progress so it will change as God grants me new experiences and guidance.

My Monastery

I now live in my monastery. My wife died in July 2026. Our son is grown and has his own family. I have no pet. Judy’s death and my acceptance of silence and solitude have resulted in long times of silence and solitude, my monastery. Maybe it is more than a monastery; it is a hermitage. So, what shall I do in or with my monastery/hermitage? This is not the question I urge my clients, (clients, a word I do not like but that’s for another journal or blog), rather they are friends, fellow journeypersons, Soul friends, etc. I urge them to ask, “What shall we (God and I) do with our monastery/hermitage? We, God and I, are in this together, the silence, solitude and making our way together on a very real and daily basis. First, I’ve learned from much reading, especially Merton, that a spiritual life is first of all a life. Today, a Saturday in late August, I’m doing some laundry as well as cutting up some vegetables and chicken for a stir-fried lunch and, if I don’t eat too much, also some supper. I sit quietly; the only noise is the turning of the dryer. I’m grateful for that dryer, otherwise I would build a laundry line in the back yard; “no”, I would purchase a dryer. There is noise in my mind as I write this journal blog. My mind is active with various words, phrases and thoughts being present and evaluating almost without my conscious thinking. I am grateful for an active mind; at least this morning, I’m grateful for my active mind. There are other times when my active mind becomes a distraction to my desire to have a silent or quiet mind. I wonder if God’s mind is sometimes quiet and silent. Jesus often went off quietly to pray, and I wonder, if during prayer, Jesus’ mind was active or quiet. I believe prayer is both active and quiet. Discernment is learning when to have mental or verbal words and when to be mentally silent and quiet. Having a silent mind during prayer is difficult but a discipline I believe God is asking me/us to develop. In my monastery/hermitage, I am constantly aware of discernment, such as “Lord, what shall we do now or is this a time to do nothing?” I’m learning that I need more “doing nothing” so that God can deepen my sense of being. I’m certain I’m too dependent upon ‘my doing’ for my identity, such as achievement versus fruitfulness, too often I think they are both the same, but I also know that they are not the same. I’m, also certain that God desires for me times of doing nothing so I can learn to be dependent upon God. Doing nothing is a challenge to my wanting to be in control. Consciously I know I am not in control of nearly as much as I think I can or want to control. I desire to be more careful because my conscious mind and intention can lead me astray from what God desires for me. Unfortunately, my regular habits, patterns, routines, etc. can overwhelm my attention to God’s desires for me. Too often I don’t even think or ask, “God what shall we do?” Rather, I just take off doing what I have in mind and hope God will ‘hang in’ with me, maybe even bless my activity. I know that is not the Biblical pattern, but it is what I often do.

Left-Brain Preaching

During these years of my wife’s illness and eventual passing, we’ve listened to and watched (thanks to You Tube and TV) a lot of worship services. I have been fascinated by the diversity of preaching. It seems to me most preaching is a left-brain activity. The left brain is where our logical or rational work takes place. It is important that our theology be rational. We want to understand (a left-brain desire) the scriptures and make sure that we are right with our beliefs. Emotion seems like a second thought to a sermon. Emotions are usually activitated by stories. Unfortunately, the stories are usuall given to support the logical or rational conclusion of the sermon. Emotions are how people connect with each other. Jesus’ stories or parables contained a lot of emotions if we can ‘feel’ his parables and not only understand them. The worship services that my wife and I kept returning to were a balance of left-brain and right-brain. The music stirred our emotions, and they contained good theology with their words. The preaching was a balance of left and right brain activity. Those worship services challenged our thinking and touched our hearts.

Relationship, not efficiency

I have begun work after a long-extended absence. I chose to call the folks to see about rescheduling. I could write an email or text. Emails and texts could certainly convey the appropriate information. However, I like to hear a person’s voice. No two voices are the same. The voice carries something unique about the person and that person’s personality. I am interested, not only in conveying appropriate information but hearing their unique voice. Calling may be more ‘work’, but my desire is not efficiency but relationship.

Experiencing Grief

My wife of 63 years died five days ago. I have taught grief work in two seminaries as well as countless churches. Experiencing grief and teaching about it are different things. When I am asked about myself, I respond “I’m okay, I’m not okay and that’s okay.” I know that grief lasts forever but, also, grief is not permanent. I’m lonely in our home and I welcome solitude. I listen to quiet instrumental music and have little interest in television. I don’t care who won Jeopardy and I have no interest in international or national events about which I can do nothing. The preacher preached about the good life in Jesus. I believe that most days but not currently. I cannot comprehend that my wife, who was so alive and vital, now exists in a dimension where I can’t reach her--not yet. It may be true that I am learning by experiencing something I need to learn; however, I really did not want to know whatever this new learning is, and especially not this way. Our home is quiet and that’s okay and it is not okay.

A Christian Nation?

Today’s Lexington NBC television station reported 20% of families in a nearby county lived at or under the federal poverty income. The news story was about a nonprofit providing food for children. That county has two fine universities and several large manufacturing plants. That county is not one which I would consider a ‘poverty county.’ I find this news frustrating and alarming. How can that be in the USA with all the money our government spends? Jesus talked about taking care of the poor, children and widows. Politicians and others talk about the USA being a Christian nation. If you want the USA to be a Christian Nation, I recommend you find out what being a Christian Nation means. Check the references of the One after whom we are called Christian, i.e., Jesus & Matthew 25:31-46. A “Christian Nation” takes care of the poor, children and widows.

80% Old-Fashion

I just took an MSN on-line survey and learned I am 80% “old-fashion”. By the way, if you believe the accuracy of such online surveys, there is some ocean front property in Oklahoma in which you might be interested. Back to the survey, I am 84 years of age, so a large portion of me ought to be old-fashion. I failed 20% of the questions because I read books from my kindle and/or laptop rather than only physical books. I also send emails and texts more often than I write handwritten notes. I do, however, write handwritten cards and letters so I may be more old-fashioned than 80%. The survey did not give me an idea of finding one’s purpose or meaning of being old-fashioned. I still go to work regularly as a psychotherapist and I’m more concerned with an elderly person’s sense of meaning and purpose rather than if they read physical books. I hope they are still reading!