Toward A Less Anxious Presence (part 2)

CONTROL. All of us desire and need some level of control. No one wants to be "out of control." It is normal to want to have some control over our lives. We like making our own decisions rather than having someone else tell us what to do all of the time. However, sometimes we can find ourselves in situations where we have little control, especially over larger circumstances that impact our lives. This Coronavirus situation may be one of those larger situations. Not having as much control as we want, can cause us to over-control. When we are overly anxious we often over-compensate or over-control as a way of seeking some autonomy. Over-controlling is often evidenced by our "nit-picking" over small things that wouldn't have bothered us in the past; not being satisfied with a task; becoming "bossy" with family, friends colleagues, etc. Control isn't a bad thing but it can get out-of-control. It helps to be aware that we are often not in control of nearly as much as we would like to have control over. Realistically try to control what you can and let go of what you can't control. Stay safe and well.

Could this Coronavirus requirement of distancing be a gift?

Could this Coronavirus requirement of staying at home be a gift? We might use this time to further develop a quiet and gentle spirit. We might learn to slow down and learn how to enjoy the day with it's own rhythms, rather than the schedule we've imposed on the day. This staying at home requires that we find a pattern other than the busyness of our scheduled, busyness and hurried calendar. We might even be released from the expectations we've put on ourselves or allowed others to put on us. We could sleep until our bodies says, "That's sufficient" rather than when the alarm clock goes off. We could eat when we are hungry rather than when our schedule says "It's time so we have to eat." We could even nap in the afternoon when our body says, "Let's lay down." We could go for a slow, leisurely walk around the neighborhood and pay attention to our neighbors, their yards, houses, etc. We might even sit outside and watch the birds at the bird feeder. During this time, We might even learn more about ourselves and our world which we've been running past for a long time.

Toward a Less Anxiious Presence (part 1)

Stress can cause anxiety; anxiety can cause stress, so we worry about our stress and anxiety which makes our stress and anxiety worse. It becomes an self-influencing loop that we want to break. Anxiety has its place. It is a God-created as a part of how we operate. Anxiety lets us know that we need to be careful, cautious, deliberate, etc. Example: anxiety about tomorrow’s presentation motivates preparation. There is our DNA factor. Some folks are “wired,” and/or perhaps they were nurtured with low anxiety. They are those we think of as “laid back.” Other folks are wired and/or nurtured with high anxiety. They are those we think of as “high strung.” There is eustress and distress. Eustress is that stress that motivates us to our best. Distress is the stress that gets in our way and motivates us to procrastinate, example, fear that we won’t be thought perfect. Usually the underlying energy or motivation for anxiety is fear. So, what is your anxiety trying to tell you about yourself? What are you afraid might happen? How might you handle that fearful situation if it happens? Facing one’s fears is an excellent prescription for dealing with anxiety.

FACES

This Coronavirus time is creating a lot of anxiety. Usually it is our unknown fear or fears that feeds our anxiety. This Coronavirus is certainly unknown. Whose been infected? Am I safe going into a public place such as a grocery store? Does a face mask really protect? Am I sufficiently healthy so that I could fight off the virus? We are surrounded by many other questions for which we don't have clear answers. Unknown fears feed anxiety. It has been suggested that the acronym FACES can be helpful. F = recognize and face our fears and frustrations. A = acknowledge our anxiety as well as our anger. We are frequently angry about not having sufficient answers to our questions. C = watch out for issues of control, especially over-control. We're not really in control of as much as we desire to control. E = be careful about your expectations, also about the expectations others put on us. A clue to our expectations is to listen for words or implications such as "should," "have to," "ought." etc. My physical therapist would want us to add exercise to our E. S = know our stress or stresses and seek to reduce the constant level of stress. In this time of Coronavirus anxiety, keep our FACES in mind. Take care of yourself and stay well.

Physical, Not Social Distancing

Our Church emails a devotional for each day during this Coronavirus period. Dr. Miller, a Church member, made the observation in his devotional that we are to maintain a physical distance from one another, but not a social distance. We are social people so we need to stay "in touch." We can connect with others socially via the telephone, emails, texts, Skype, Zoom and many other available platforms. Keeping a physical distance so that we aren't getting or spreading the virus is a good and necessary practice. That doesn't necessarily mean we can't reach out to others. I hope you will take the initiative during this time to contact your family, friends, colleagues, neighbors, etc. and say 'Hi, been thinking about you." It is a significant blessing to know that you are remembered. So, pass the blessing on to others.

Slip Slidding Into New Life Lessons

Slipped on some black ice and tore my quad loose. After surgery I'm in an immobilizer and on crutches. I'm an active person so this enforced period of inactivity is unwelcome. Nevertheless, it is slowly beginning to teach me some important lessons. For example, I must depend on others rather than doing it myself. I can't even get myself a glass of water. I have been doing a lot of reading. I just purchased a third book on my Kindle, Dr. James Hollis' book, Living an Examined Life. What drew me to it was the subtitle, "Wisdom for the Second Half of the Journey." I'm well into the second half of my journey but, nevertheless, let's read what he says. I'm a reader of Dr. Hollis and his Jungian background so I'll pay attention. In my practice of therapy, I've frequently told clients that they will think they are better than they really are. Healing takes time and our minds are usually ahead of our physical selves. At least, mine is and that's why I fell a second time, but in the house. My instructions are not to get up except to go to the restroom and table. That's not an easy lesson for me to learn.

Impeachment and stone throwing

The Presidential impeachment trial has concluded with a verdict of acquittal. I suspect we will never actually know what really happened or even what the actual motivation was all about. Nevertheless, I'm glad there was someone who brought the charge and a group that reached their verdict. Perhaps every national leader and President should be charged with misusing his/her influence and, therefore, tried by a group of peers. Our world is full of individual and group behaviors that are questionable. There is something within each of us that breaks through our persona (how we want to be seen by others) and, about which, we hope no one knows. It was Jesus who said, that those of us who are without sin are those who would want to begin throwing the first stones. I'm glad there was a charge, impeachment, trial and verdict. However, I'm certainly not in a position to begin throwing stones. I'm pleased, however, that it is over. I wish some would now 'let it go' so we can move on. Perhaps that's what Jesus meant when he said 'go and sin no more.'