Masculinity

This morning as I was driving to work, I listened to an NPR segment about the ever-increasing use of testosterone by men.  This evidently follows an increase in the use of drugs , such as Viagra.  We men seem to be having a lot of difficult with our sense of masculinity.  As the NPR interview with a gentleman progressed there was an admission of being overweight.  I thought that perhaps the gentleman needed some exercise and discipline about eating before he needed drugs.  However, that was a prejudicial thought since I don't know the gentleman nor his situation.  I think a sense of masculinity needs to include my character and the values and morals that direct my attitudes and behaviors.  I also think masculinity includes the ability to give ego-less attention to others.  I need to appreciate and affirm the uniqueness of other people. Most things really aren't about me, my desires and needs.  Perhaps this is a significant clue to a sense of masculinity.

Healthy Relationships

David Richo in his book,  How To Be An Adult in Relationships, suggests that following five "As" can lead toward healthy adult relationships.  Such relationships are a universal desire.  His "As" are attention, acceptance, appreciation, affection and allowing.  By allowing he means that we allow or permit the other person to be themselves.  As a Marriage and Family Therapist I see many couples who are having difficulty because one spouse is trying to make the other into the person they want them to be.  To try and create another person in the image I think they should have is a type of blasphemy.  God is the creator; we're not.  Not only is it blasphemy, but it makes for a lot of frustration, anger, conflict, push back, etc.  Acceptance and allowing aren't easy.  I would add another "A" to his list.  I would add accountability that is mutual. Mutual accountability means that healthy adult relationships don't harbor secrets.  Certainly there needs to be some privacy and confidentiality in health relationships, but secrets are different.  Secrets are a deliberate hiding.  Accountability is a good prescription for secrets.  Accountability is to be mutual which is the only way that trust can be developed, maintained and re-established.