Why?

My neighbor’s puppy loves to chase his tail. He seems to enjoy going round and round with occasional barks or yelps of joy or frustration. I can’t tell what his barks and yelps might be indicating. I do know that he loves to chase his tail and he does that a lot of the time. When I watch him chasing his tail, I know he will never completely catch it. He bits at it but he does not get it. I watch him and think that is what many “Why?” questions are like. We chase our “Why’s?” but never seem to get a firm answer to our question. Rather than ask ourselves “Why” perhaps we need to be asking other types of questions, such as, “What shall I do now?” or “I wonder what this situation means?” I think “Whys?” are frequently like a dog chasing its tail.

A Lesson from the Plumber

I learned a valuable lesson watching a plumber at work. To make the required repairs he had to turn off the water and allow the water in the pipes to drain. After which, he went about the repairs. Sometimes in a relationship, the stress, frustration, anger, disappointment, etc. must be ‘turned off.’ Turning all that energy ‘off’ may involve some type of separation. The separation may be to walk away, go to another room, etc. or it may even involve going to some other place for a period while the energy, stress, anger, confusion, frustration, etc., drain away. Repairs to the relationship can’t be easily made while the energy of accusation and defensiveness is flowing. The pressure may need to be ‘turned off’ before the accusations and defensiveness ceases their energy flow, then perhaps some repair to the relationship may be made.

God's Abundant Love

I read from the Psalms each day. I began doing this via the influence of the Lay Cistercians of the Abbey of Gethsemani. The Lay Cistercians are a group of lay folks who make an intentional effort to live by the teachings and guidance of St. Benedict as well as staying in a relationship with the Abbey and the monks. Recently I was reading Psalm 5 and verse 7 stood out, “I through the abundance of your steadfast love will enter your house….” (NRSV). My prayer is that God’s abundant love will lead and guide me not only today and every day as well as ultimately, into the very presence of God, i.e., ‘your [God’s] house.” That is a great promise (“Thanks” ‘Preacher’ Hallock for instilling in me God’s promises). I hope that today I will be sensitive and attentive to God’s abundant love, not only for me but for everyone as well as this earth, i.e., God’s good creation.

Forgiving Self is a Gift

Forgiving oneself is difficult. For many of us we try too hard to accomplish self-forgiveness. I think of the analogy of a pet such as a dog or cat. If I chase it, the pet will run from me. However, if I sit down peacefully and calmly, the pet will often come to me and eventually lay down beside me. I think self-forgiveness is something like that. The harder I try to forgive myself, the more difficult and elusive it becomes. However, as I become accepting of myself, including all the things I wish I had not done or said as well as the things I wish I had left undone or unsaid, I become more peaceful, and my mind or memories settle down. As that begins to happen, forgiveness of myself seems to come close, almost unannounced, and settle beside or within me. Self-forgiveness is a gift not a hard-earned self-accomplishment.

Becoming Unattached to Things

For many years I have advocated that it is not healthy to become too attached to things. This does not mean that there are some things which have a special meaning and I want to care for those things. However, I can become too attached or clinging to some things. Too attached and fearful of loosing something results in some suffereing for myself and probably others. Beginning this month, I am sharing my consulting room with a young female therapist. I value her and her contributions to our therapy team at Interfaith. I told her that even though I have used the consulting room for 22 years, I want it to become ‘our consulting room’ rather than my room which she uses several days each week. I also told her that even though most of the things in the room have a history and personal story, I did not want to be so attached that she could not change things. Honestly, that consulting room probably has the feel of an older man who has been in it for 22 years and does not recognize how others see it because he has become so used to it. Yes, our consulting room needs a face lift, and I am pleased for my young friend to share the room and make it ours. This thing about being too attached to things seems to not realize that in the end, I will take nothing with me so why not begin practicing letting go—or becoming unattached to things?