My Monastery

I now live in my monastery. My wife died in July 2026. Our son is grown and has his own family. I have no pet. Judy’s death and my acceptance of silence and solitude have resulted in long times of silence and solitude, my monastery. Maybe it is more than a monastery; it is a hermitage. So, what shall I do in or with my monastery/hermitage? This is not the question I urge my clients, (clients, a word I do not like but that’s for another journal or blog), rather they are friends, fellow journeypersons, Soul friends, etc. I urge them to ask, “What shall we (God and I) do with our monastery/hermitage? We, God and I, are in this together, the silence, solitude and making our way together on a very real and daily basis. First, I’ve learned from much reading, especially Merton, that a spiritual life is first of all a life. Today, a Saturday in late August, I’m doing some laundry as well as cutting up some vegetables and chicken for a stir-fried lunch and, if I don’t eat too much, also some supper. I sit quietly; the only noise is the turning of the dryer. I’m grateful for that dryer, otherwise I would build a laundry line in the back yard; “no”, I would purchase a dryer. There is noise in my mind as I write this journal blog. My mind is active with various words, phrases and thoughts being present and evaluating almost without my conscious thinking. I am grateful for an active mind; at least this morning, I’m grateful for my active mind. There are other times when my active mind becomes a distraction to my desire to have a silent or quiet mind. I wonder if God’s mind is sometimes quiet and silent. Jesus often went off quietly to pray, and I wonder, if during prayer, Jesus’ mind was active or quiet. I believe prayer is both active and quiet. Discernment is learning when to have mental or verbal words and when to be mentally silent and quiet. Having a silent mind during prayer is difficult but a discipline I believe God is asking me/us to develop. In my monastery/hermitage, I am constantly aware of discernment, such as “Lord, what shall we do now or is this a time to do nothing?” I’m learning that I need more “doing nothing” so that God can deepen my sense of being. I’m certain I’m too dependent upon ‘my doing’ for my identity, such as achievement versus fruitfulness, too often I think they are both the same, but I also know that they are not the same. I’m, also certain that God desires for me times of doing nothing so I can learn to be dependent upon God. Doing nothing is a challenge to my wanting to be in control. Consciously I know I am not in control of nearly as much as I think I can or want to control. I desire to be more careful because my conscious mind and intention can lead me astray from what God desires for me. Unfortunately, my regular habits, patterns, routines, etc. can overwhelm my attention to God’s desires for me. Too often I don’t even think or ask, “God what shall we do?” Rather, I just take off doing what I have in mind and hope God will ‘hang in’ with me, maybe even bless my activity. I know that is not the Biblical pattern, but it is what I often do.