Not Here To Impress God

I've been reading Voices of Silence, Lives on the Trappists Today by Frank Bianco.  Since it is largely about the Abbey of Gethsemani where I go for retreat at least one day per month, I was greatly interested.  When one of the monks complained about his prayer life and worship becoming dry, the Novice Master replied, "You are not here to impress God and you couldn't do that anyway." (page 47.)  My Spiritual Director has said those words to me on a couple of occasions.  It is a difficult lesson for me not to judge my worship, prayer and ministry experiences on the basis of how I feel or think about them.  Too frequently I want to judge my experiences with God as if God has asked me, "What do you think about what I'm doing?"  That's arrogance and I've been infected with it.  God has never asked me about my opinions or judgments of God's work.  When I hear others talking about experiences with God, I rarely hear them say that in the silence or dry times, God has been most real.  I think my feelings need to be the caboose and not the engine of my experiences with God.