Toward a Less Anxious Presence (Part 5)

When we speak of being "hooked" we usually mean that something has hooked us and we've reacted in a manner that is not typical for us. We've reacted rather than responded. There is a major difference between reacting and responding. Everyone has triggers that hook us. Triggers" are topics, persons, situations, etc. that hook us and cause us to react in a manner of which we're not pleased. We know we've been hooked when we ask, "Why did I say that?" or "Wow, I came on strong." Strong emotions are also a symptom that we've been hooked. What things, situations, persons, issues, etc. are our triggers? Write them down and keep a record. Knowing what our triggers are is being forewarned. By being forewarned, triggers loose some of their power and we are better able to respond rather than react. The fear of being hooked and reacting is a frequent cause anxiety.

Towards a Less Anxious Presence (part 4)

Psalm 46:10 “Be still and know that I am God.” This Hebrew word translated “be still” may also be translated (so I’m told by a Hebrew language Professor), “Let it go.” So, Psalm 46:10 message might be “Let it go and know that I am God.” Philippians 4: 6-7. “Do not be anxious about anything, but in every situation, by prayer and petition, with thanksgiving, present your request to God. And the peace of God, which transcends all understanding, will guard your hearts and your minds in Christ Jesus.” (NIV) The word that precedes verse 6 is “The Lord is at hand.” I think we can say, “The Lord is at hand, therefore, do not be anxious….” The word translated “guard” may also be translated as “rule” or “umpire.” I have a desire to let go of several things, such as... Let go of: 1. my “identifications.” I’m more than a Baptist, teacher, counselor, etc. These identifications can be restrictive; they primarily relate me to what I do. I'm more than what I do. 2. of my need to be special. I’m just me and that’s okay. 3. what others think of me. They are thinking through their own “filters” of which they may or may not be aware. 4. envy and jealously. Giving to others is a good prescription for these personal demons, so let others have the last word; need for victory; etc. 5. the need to change someone else. I speak not to change the other person’s mind, but to clearly and non-aggressively articulate the truth as I perceive it at this moment. 6. needing to talk so much. Listen instead. God gave us two ears but only one mouth. Could there be a divine message/revelation here?

Toward a Less Anxious Presence (part 3)

Need to be seen as perfect? Our need to be “perfect” or at least to be seen as without serious issues, can be a cause of anxiety. Most of us spend a lot of energy and worry trying to keep up our persona. Persona is our public image. Our self-image and/or the way we want others to ‘see’ us is being threatened especially if we think others might not think as highly of us as we think of ourselves. Jesus instructed us to be perfect, (Matthew 5:48.) Be careful because his instruction came towards the close of the Sermon on the Mount where Jesus has said we are to practice the beatitudes; keep the Law; don't get angry; have no lust; keep all of our vows; have no desire for revenge and love all our enemies. That's a high standard of being perfect. Even Paul wrote that he wasn't perfect, "Not that I have already obtained it, or have already become perfect…" (Philippians 3:12, KJV). Other translations have translated that word "perfect" as "reached the goal" (NRSV), "obtained" (NASV). I like THE MESSAGE paraphrase of the Philippians verse by Eugene Peterson, "I'm not saying that I have this all together, that I have it made. But I am well on my way, reaching out for Christ, who has so wondrously reached out to me." Peterson even paraphrases the word "perfect" in Jesus' Sermon on the Mount as "Grow up." Seems like our goal is to accept ourselves for who we are at present and know that we're still a "work-in-process" or we're still "growing up" and if that's good enough for God, then it is good enough.

Toward A Less Anxious Presence (part 2)

CONTROL. All of us desire and need some level of control. No one wants to be "out of control." It is normal to want to have some control over our lives. We like making our own decisions rather than having someone else tell us what to do all of the time. However, sometimes we can find ourselves in situations where we have little control, especially over larger circumstances that impact our lives. This Coronavirus situation may be one of those larger situations. Not having as much control as we want, can cause us to over-control. When we are overly anxious we often over-compensate or over-control as a way of seeking some autonomy. Over-controlling is often evidenced by our "nit-picking" over small things that wouldn't have bothered us in the past; not being satisfied with a task; becoming "bossy" with family, friends colleagues, etc. Control isn't a bad thing but it can get out-of-control. It helps to be aware that we are often not in control of nearly as much as we would like to have control over. Realistically try to control what you can and let go of what you can't control. Stay safe and well.

Could this Coronavirus requirement of distancing be a gift?

Could this Coronavirus requirement of staying at home be a gift? We might use this time to further develop a quiet and gentle spirit. We might learn to slow down and learn how to enjoy the day with it's own rhythms, rather than the schedule we've imposed on the day. This staying at home requires that we find a pattern other than the busyness of our scheduled, busyness and hurried calendar. We might even be released from the expectations we've put on ourselves or allowed others to put on us. We could sleep until our bodies says, "That's sufficient" rather than when the alarm clock goes off. We could eat when we are hungry rather than when our schedule says "It's time so we have to eat." We could even nap in the afternoon when our body says, "Let's lay down." We could go for a slow, leisurely walk around the neighborhood and pay attention to our neighbors, their yards, houses, etc. We might even sit outside and watch the birds at the bird feeder. During this time, We might even learn more about ourselves and our world which we've been running past for a long time.

Toward a Less Anxiious Presence (part 1)

Stress can cause anxiety; anxiety can cause stress, so we worry about our stress and anxiety which makes our stress and anxiety worse. It becomes an self-influencing loop that we want to break. Anxiety has its place. It is a God-created as a part of how we operate. Anxiety lets us know that we need to be careful, cautious, deliberate, etc. Example: anxiety about tomorrow’s presentation motivates preparation. There is our DNA factor. Some folks are “wired,” and/or perhaps they were nurtured with low anxiety. They are those we think of as “laid back.” Other folks are wired and/or nurtured with high anxiety. They are those we think of as “high strung.” There is eustress and distress. Eustress is that stress that motivates us to our best. Distress is the stress that gets in our way and motivates us to procrastinate, example, fear that we won’t be thought perfect. Usually the underlying energy or motivation for anxiety is fear. So, what is your anxiety trying to tell you about yourself? What are you afraid might happen? How might you handle that fearful situation if it happens? Facing one’s fears is an excellent prescription for dealing with anxiety.

FACES

This Coronavirus time is creating a lot of anxiety. Usually it is our unknown fear or fears that feeds our anxiety. This Coronavirus is certainly unknown. Whose been infected? Am I safe going into a public place such as a grocery store? Does a face mask really protect? Am I sufficiently healthy so that I could fight off the virus? We are surrounded by many other questions for which we don't have clear answers. Unknown fears feed anxiety. It has been suggested that the acronym FACES can be helpful. F = recognize and face our fears and frustrations. A = acknowledge our anxiety as well as our anger. We are frequently angry about not having sufficient answers to our questions. C = watch out for issues of control, especially over-control. We're not really in control of as much as we desire to control. E = be careful about your expectations, also about the expectations others put on us. A clue to our expectations is to listen for words or implications such as "should," "have to," "ought." etc. My physical therapist would want us to add exercise to our E. S = know our stress or stresses and seek to reduce the constant level of stress. In this time of Coronavirus anxiety, keep our FACES in mind. Take care of yourself and stay well.

Physical, Not Social Distancing

Our Church emails a devotional for each day during this Coronavirus period. Dr. Miller, a Church member, made the observation in his devotional that we are to maintain a physical distance from one another, but not a social distance. We are social people so we need to stay "in touch." We can connect with others socially via the telephone, emails, texts, Skype, Zoom and many other available platforms. Keeping a physical distance so that we aren't getting or spreading the virus is a good and necessary practice. That doesn't necessarily mean we can't reach out to others. I hope you will take the initiative during this time to contact your family, friends, colleagues, neighbors, etc. and say 'Hi, been thinking about you." It is a significant blessing to know that you are remembered. So, pass the blessing on to others.

Slip Slidding Into New Life Lessons

Slipped on some black ice and tore my quad loose. After surgery I'm in an immobilizer and on crutches. I'm an active person so this enforced period of inactivity is unwelcome. Nevertheless, it is slowly beginning to teach me some important lessons. For example, I must depend on others rather than doing it myself. I can't even get myself a glass of water. I have been doing a lot of reading. I just purchased a third book on my Kindle, Dr. James Hollis' book, Living an Examined Life. What drew me to it was the subtitle, "Wisdom for the Second Half of the Journey." I'm well into the second half of my journey but, nevertheless, let's read what he says. I'm a reader of Dr. Hollis and his Jungian background so I'll pay attention. In my practice of therapy, I've frequently told clients that they will think they are better than they really are. Healing takes time and our minds are usually ahead of our physical selves. At least, mine is and that's why I fell a second time, but in the house. My instructions are not to get up except to go to the restroom and table. That's not an easy lesson for me to learn.