Mother Complex?

Today, May 19th, is a primary election in Kentucky. I fear most of the candidates have pledged themselves to one person, who is the President. I want Kentucky candidates to pledge themselves to the citizens of Kentucky. They are to work for us, not the President; not the President of any specific political party. I like it when no one political party has all the power, so they must work together, sharing power, even compromising their individual preferences for the greater common good. I like it when there are no professional political individuals; those who stay in office for a long time. If elected, serve your term, then return home and get off the government’s payroll. As a therapist, I wonder if we have become so fearful that we’ve regressed to trust someone who promises to take care of us. We often label this a ‘mother complex’. I have heard a lot elected officials, as well as candidates, telling us that we need to be afraid and only they can protect us. Such lies only encourage our ‘mother complexes’ and that is not healthy for the individual or the nation.

Solitude

Solitude does not necessarily mean being all alone although that is something to desire occasionally. Inner solitude means I am not caught in my past nor distracted by the future. I am also not caught by whomever may or may not be around me, either physically or in my mind. I can be in a physical place where there are no others around me and still have a crowd of voices in my mind, all of which want my attention. Solitude does not mean that I ignore those who are around me physically. I can be courteous and recognize their presence even in the grocery market. When we have parted, I can return to my solitude and, yes, my grocery list. Solitude means that I am not in a hurry; I relish the moment. Solitude means I am comfortable being with myself and being my friend.

Politically? It doesn't feel good.

I am discouraged by all the political ads and talk as individuals seek votes prior to the elections. I’ve never supported the idea of political careers. I’ve believed politicians needed to serve out their allotted term, such as four or six years, and then return home to make, what my grandfather called, “an honest living.” I am especially discouraged with want-to-be politicians whose goal is to give full support to one person, i.e., the president. I believe elected individuals are to represent the people of their district, state, etc., not one individual, i.e., the President or a political party. Something is terribly wrong when you spend millions of dollars to have a job that might pay two thousand dollars. Who is paying the millions and what do they expect/want/demand for their “investment”? Our political system is not on a good track, and I’m very worried where it might be taking us.

Maybe the symptoms are not what it is about

Maybe the symptoms are not what it is about. Could headaches be about your trying to live a life that is not in keeping with the values that you own? Could indigestion be the result of trying to “swallow” a truth with which you do not agree? Could not being able to balance the checkbook by an indication of financial issues that you do not want to address? A friend recently told me she has ceased going to a particular Church because she came home sick to her stomach every Sunday. She also said, “I can’t swallow what that Church believes.” When she said this, she stopped talking, eyes wide open and asked, “Did you hear what I just said?” It wasn’t as important that I heard her, she heard herself. She has made some Church changes, and her indigestion has significantly minimized. She laughs as she reports she still needs to pay attention to her diet. Sometimes our symptoms are trying to tell us something very important about our lives and we need to listen to them. It might be as we listen to the symptoms and make appropriate adjustments, the symptoms would go away because they have been heard.

Befriending Anxiety

Anxiety can be a friend. God created humanity and called it “very good.” Humans, as also with other animals, are warned of a potentially threatening or distressing situation by means of the amygdala. This small gland sits atop our spinal cord at the base of the brain, and it was divinely created as a warning system. I’ve a friend who called it the “check engine light.” It warns us of potentially threatening situations, and our prefrontal cortex or rational thinking part of our brain takes notice and decides whether the situation is really threatening or just inconvenient. If it is threatening, our brain and nervous system gets ourselves prepared to fight, flight/run or freeze. Our task is to learn from our anxiety but not let it overwhelm us. We can learn to befriend anxiety. Unfortunately, there are those among us who seem to worry all the time. If they are not worried about something, they are worried because they aren’t worried. We can befriend our anxiety, learn from it and be grateful that we have been created with such a warning system.

Being Inconvenienced by an Inconvenient Situation

Recently our beautiful city, Lexington, Kentucky, had an experience of snow on top of which fell ice which was topped by snow. The city was immobilized for several days. Now that spring is almost here, some citizens of our wonderful city are calling against the mayor. The leader of the City’s department of road has been dismissed. Could the city have done more to clear the road? I really don’t know as this recent event was most unusual. In the past when it snowed only, the city folks did very well. My sense is that citizens have too high expectations. I often wonder if their personal expectations of themselves are as high as their expectations of other. I suspect they give themselves more grace than they give others. What has happened to us that we think we should not be inconvenienced by an inconvenient situation?

Life's Cycle

There is a cycle to life, a beginning and an ending. At least an ending to this earthly life. Today I received pictures of an infant who was born yesterday. His mother is a colleague at the Counseling Center, and we have prayed for her well being as well as the arrival of this beautifully innocent young child. He is full of enormous potential far beyond our imagination. Today I also received a phone call from a friend of many years to share that her mother, whom I have known fondly for fifty plus years, has entered Hospice and begun the ending of her beautiful and meaningful life. Indeed, there is a cycle for this process of living. It is a cycle of which we have minimal control. We can, however, accept and appreciate every season in life’s cycle.

2026's Lenten Journey

Today is Ash Wednesday or the beginning of Lent for 2026. The time between Ash Wednesday and Easter or Resurrection is frequently called the Lenten journey. It is the personal and inner journey toward a more Christ-like living. Perhaps we could make this journey more profitable in addition to giving something up for Lent, if we were to add something for Resurrection or First Fruits as I Corinthians 15:20 teaches about our resurrection after death. It would be healthy if we gave up sweets, carbs, etc. or at least reduced our intake as most Physicians recommend. It would also be spiritually healthy if we began a morning of quiet times. If we already have a quiet time, perhaps we might add 15 minutes. Maybe we would be moved to begin a spiritual journal which asks the questions (1) how did I experience God’s presence during this day and (2) how have I experienced and expressed thankfulness this day? We could also begin to prayerfully read the Psalms or the Gospel of John during our Lenten journey. My pray is we open ourselves to what God might choose to do with us during this Lenten journey of 2026.

The Effortfulness Flow of Divine Creativity

I have recently learned a new word or concept, “lila” (leela). This is a Sanskrit word/concept that means the Divine acts of creation, from the first creation as well as the on-going acts of creation, are joyful, playful, effortfulness, dancing, peaceful, non-competitive sporting, etc. of the Divine. When I’m working too hard and/or too concerned about how something “should” happen, I may be getting in the way of 'lila' and out of the effortfulness flow of Divine creativity of which I am only a conduit, not its creator. Often I make ‘stuff’ harder than it needs to be.

Patience

This January 2026 very cold time with snow and ice on the ground and roads has kept me in the house and away from the Counseling Center for the entire week. It has been an interesting learning experience. I am learning, as well as re-learning, that I learn patience by being patient.

The Soul of America is Being Attacked

I grew up with the instructions “If it can’t stand the light of day, don’t do it.” The ICE agents cover their faces and some even wear dark sunglasses. I think this is to protect themselves from being known. They cannot stand the “light of day.” What ICE agents are doing is wrong. When someone is on the ground, ICE agents do not need to be hitting and kicking him and then shooting him. When a lady drives away in her automobile, it would be easy to get a license tag number and go to her house. She does not need to be shot and killed. When a 5-year-old child watches his father being arrested and left to stand alone at the car’s bumper, that is not right. An elderly man does not need to be brought outside in his underwear with television cameras watching his forced immodesty. None of these actions are what I would expect from Jesus, Mohammed, Buddha, etc. There is no way to make actions such as these lawful or moral. The ICE agents need to go home. The Congress needs to overcome their fear of Mr. Trump and make America great again, i.e., a moral lighthouse for the world. Churches, priests, pastors, preachers, etc. need to overcome their fears of financial demise and speak ‘truth to power’ as a prophet. The national character and morality of America is being attacked.

National Prejudice

I have both experienced prejudice and I am still prejudiced but trying to deal with what causes my prejudice or uncomfortableness. My brother is developmentally disabled. In the 1940’s, when he was born, they labeled him, ‘retarded’. The use of labels can be symptoms of prejudice. I have been with my brother in the grocery store’s aisle when another person entered the other end of the aisle and upon seeing us, they turned around to enter a different aisle. Did they turn around because they had entered the wrong aisle or did my brother’s presence make them uncomfortable? Prejudice seeks comfort; not challenges to our expectations or the status quo. I am fearful that underneath the desire to ‘Make America Great Again’ is really the desire to ‘make America prejudiced again’ so we do not have to deal with our personal and national prejudices.

A Disquieted Soul

It is one of the Biblical words that speaks in a visual manner and says so much with only one word. Writing about the soul, the question is “Why are you disquieted within me?” (Psalm 43:5, NRSV) Disquieted, that is a visual description of those times when my soul, my essence, personality, etc. is worried, anxious, confused, fearful, alarmed, etc. In other words, “disquieted”. I seem to have a natural talent for a disquieted soul. For example, I can worry about what to say and after I have said it, I then worry about if the other person heard correctly what it was that I wanted to say. A disquieted soul is much like a dog chasing its tail; there is no ending. The Psalmist doesn’t give us a simple step by step process of quieting a disquieted soul. The Psalmist follows the question of a disquieted soul with “hope in the Lord.” Perhaps the lesson for a disquieted soul is to do what seems best at the time and then leave it alone or, in other words, not be so attached to my plans and desired outcome that I am controlled by them.

Christmas, 2025

Today is Christmas, 2025. It is a day just like all the other days and it is a day unlike all the other days. God continues to reveal Godself in the sun, moon, stars and the unfolding galaxies. God continues to show Godself in the mountains, plains, deserts, and valleys. God has always been showing us the I AM with the birds of the air, the fish of the waters and the animals on the land. God must especially like to show us God’s self through the trees, bushes, plants and flowers. God wanted to show us that God likes humanity because God chose to show us God’s self as God revealed God’s self in flesh with growth hormones, feelings, thoughts, emotions from joy to frustration and anger. Christmas 2025, a day just like every other of our days and a day unlike any of our other days. Lord, in your mercy.

Learning Patience from Cooking and Baking

I have discovered that I like to cook, even bake. I have never been one who has been comfortable in the kitchen. Recipes seemed too confined. I now think of them more as guidelines for creativity. Yes, I have had many laughs when I’ve placed some unsatisfying food outside for the birds, squirrels and chipmunks who inhabit our yard. I also enjoy feeding the animals. What I especially like about cooking is the slow cooker. Slow cookers take most of the day to do their work. Slow cookers teach me patience, patience with myself as well as food. I’m also learning to bake bread. Baking bread helps me to learn patience as I wait for the yeast to do its slow work. Another reason for my cooking and baking is there are results that myself as well as others can taste and see. There is a reward, if I am patient and wait. During several days each week, I am a psychotherapist and spiritual companion. There are many situations in which I do not have a clear reward as I wonder if I have been a help for the person who has left the consulting room. When I wonder if I have been a help, I go home to cook or bake.

Speaking truth to power

As we get further into this federal administration, I become more anxious and fearful. I fear the Republicans have sold their soul to Donald Trump. I fear the Democrats have become overwhelmed by fear and have lost their voice. This leaves the control of our government to a man who, in my professional opinion is mentally unstable. He continually demonstrates the symptoms of a narcissist who is possessed by the demons of vain glory and pride. He uses the Justice Department to persecute any who resists him and his ideas. He uses our Homeland Security to be his police and remove those with whom he is uncomfortable which are those who do not look or talk like him. Ministers and churches appear fearful of saying anything about morality and values, as Jesus described them, for fear someone in the congregation might be upset or offended. I am fearfully concerned, not only about the direction of America’s values, but also our churches. I hear few prophets who speak truth to power.

Stay In the Present

It is difficult to stay in the present. Too often we spend our time and energy fretting about something in the past that has already happened and/or worrying about something that might happen in the future. I am a college football fan, specifically the OU “Sooners.” During this 2025 season, my respect for Lane Kiffin, the coach at Ole Miss, has gone up significantly. He seems focused on coaching his team during the season and not to be distracted by all the questins and guesses about his future at Ole Miss or any of the other SEC schools seeking a new coach. He will decide when it is time for him to decide. He seems focused on his team and this season’s games which seem to have wonderful results as Ole Miss is ranked #7. I wish they had not defeated the "Sooners" but that is another story. Coach Kiffin is a good model about staying present and focused.

Owe My Soul to the Company Store?

In my growing up years at home, the record which was most played was Tennessee Earnie Ford’s, Sixteen Tons. The phrase I related to was “you load sixteen tons and what do you get, another day older and deeper in debt. I owe my soul to the company store.” I loved that song even though it is a sad concept to owe your soul to the ‘company store’. Perhaps that phrase had some influence on me and my sense of independence. I have always wanted to be free to leave a place where I wasn’t wanted or where I did not want to be. I wanted to be free to follow my dreams and where I believed God was leading. I did not want to be so dependent that I felt trapped by an organization, business, group, church, etc. I recognize there can be too much independence which can lead to narcissism. I desire to have a healthy balance of dependency, commitment, loyalty, etc. as well as independence. I want my soul to be free as I believe God created our souls to be free.

That "Retirement" Question

In two months, I will have reached my 84th birthday. It is not surprising that many folks ask me about my possible retirement. I have no plans to retire, nor do I have any plans for retirement. I would like to continue being a psychotherapist and spiritual director as God continues to grant me sufficient physical, mental, emotional and spiritual health. I may want to decrease my days and hours but that’s not the same as retiring. I recently read the following quote from Yalom’s book, BECOMING MYSELF. His quote says well what I am hoping for in my not-retiring work/ministry. “…we humans, all of us, crave a wise, all-knowing, white haired elder. If I’ve been chosen to fit that slot, well, I happily accept the position. Someone has to do it. “(page 333, kindle).

Returning Violence for Violence Multiplies Violence

“While it may be a primal human impulse, responding to violence with violence does not resolve conflicts but rather escalates them, creating a cycle of deeper harm, as famously stated by Martin Luther King Jr.: ‘Returning violence for violence multiplies violence, adding deeper darkness to a night already devoid of stars’". (Google’s AI). Today we’ve heard of another shooting in Dallas by someone who is frustrated with the federal government’s ICE presence and actions. Violence is certainly done with a gun. Violence can also be done with other instruments, such as a fist, slap, car, etc. What the leaders of this country seem not to know is that violence is also done with words. When someone with whom you disagree is described with “put down” or belittling words as well as sterotyped prejudices along with threats of arrest, deportation and/or legal action, that is violence. I pray there will be someone who has the courage and wisdom who can turn our country toward the light rather than take us deeper into the darkness.