Misoneism

I have often wondered why some folks are “old” at 55 whereas others are still “young” at 85. I’m not thinking about a person’s physical attributes but their mental, emotional, social, spiritual, etc. attributes. I have found the word “misoneism” helpful. This word or concept has a Greek origin, and it is a combination of words that mean the “new” and “dislike”. Misoneism refers to a strong aversion to new ideas, methods, or technologies. A misoneist is fearful of what is new and avoids dealing with it. The person not only avoids dealing with the new way but, also is frustrated when society makes it normal so that the old way is no longer needed or helpful.

How Long Is a Piece of String?

I was told that I was a curious child. I asked a lot of questions, such as how long before we got to wherever we were traveling? How long before I can quit doing my homework before going out to play? How long is it before my birthday? I’m sure I was a nuisance. My father always had an answer that frustrated and puzzled me for a long time. His answer was a question, “Son, how long is a piece of string?” I was not pleased when my dad answers my questions with his question. Besides, Dad’s question seemed like a non-answer. Finally, I figured out the answer to Dad’s question. A piece of string is as long as it needs to be for whatever purpose a piece of string was needed or until you ran out of string. Now, that makes sense. I also quit asking my dad a lot of questions about “How long until _____? Because I knew the answer. Today when someone asks me a question, such as, “Rick, how long until you retire?” I answer with a question, “Well, how long is a piece of string?” and I get some unusual facial expressions.

You Can't Be Good at Everything

Someone has said that you can’t be good at everything. If no one has already said that then I just said it because it needs to be said for the benefit of all of us. My mother wanted me to have some musical talent, or at least skills. I took piano lessons from Mrs. Rose when I was young, very young. I cried most of the time that I was supposed to practice on our old upright piano in the back room. I cried because I would rather be outside playing. In Junior High School, I was a member of the Church’s youth choir. There were no auditions, you just showed up. I really wanted to be in that choir because of the girl who I admired. Being in choir meant we got to ride home in the back seat of a parent’s car and hold hands after choir practice. In High School, my mother strongly recommended I join the band (she did not pressure me, but she was persistent). I was third chair in the baritone section. If there had been ten in the baritone section, I would have been tenth chair. I was not very good. I recalled what I learned in the Church choir, so I made certain I did not play very loud. I was not good at practicing as I would rather be outside playing. Do you see a pattern? I do not have an “ear” for music. I can not hear the difference between a sharp and a flat (I learned these words in band) but I know that each had a different button to push on the baritone. My music experiences were surely helpful for my maturity even though “You can’t be good at everything.”

Elephants and Scripture

I have had the privilege of being in central Africa, i.e., Zambia and Zimbabwe. On Lake Kariba we saw a herd of elephants near the shore. We were in a small boat and the elephants did not want us to come closer as they made loud sounds and threw water at us with their trunks. We back off to a distant which they approved. Seeing elephants in a zoo or in the circus is a different experience. I feel for those captured and tamed elephants. They are not like the free elephants in Lake Kariba. God’s word is like the herd of elephants at Lake Kariba who are free to be who they are created to be. Thanks to the writings of Dr. Paul Kittner, I have imagined the scriptures like that free herd of elephants at Lake Kiriba. The scriptures are the divine words; they are not my words. Unfortunately, we have placed those words of the Creator in interpretation and doctrine ‘cages.’ Worse, we have even paraded the Bible in worship services as if we have tamed it, like a circus elephant. Yes, we need to work at interpreting the scriptures, but we need not think we can tame and limit the scriptures to only our interpretations, doctrines, beliefs, etc. The scriptures were inspired by the Divine Creator/Spirit and they are free. The scriptures may mean different things to different individuals at different times. The task of interpretation is to get our egos out of the way and cease making them mean what we need and/or want them to mean for our purpose(s).

Jesus' Disturbing Question/Invitation

The differences between my ego and my spirit are hard to discern and, even more difficult, to follow. By “my spirit” I mean that part of me that desires to follow Jesus, who, given my culture and language has been my primary guide for the Divine. When Jesus called the disciples, he said, “Come follow me” (Matthew 4:19). I think that is a question, “come, follow me?” That simple question/invitation is all that the gospel writes wrote. A simple yet disturbing question. There are no safety or security promises with that question/invitation. Jesus’ question/invitation is not even about comfort. Jesus even said that I wasn’t to worry about food, clothing, etc. Perhaps I am learning that it is my ego whose focus is about safety, security, comfort, food, housing, clothes, automobiles, band and retirement accounts, etc. My spirit is about meaning and purpose for living. Jesus calls to my spirit to follow Him into meaning and purpose which is not necessarily a promise of safety, security or comfort. No wonder Jesus’ question/invitation is very difficult. Jesus even said many are called but few are chosen (Matthew 22:14). It is my ego which wants to make Jesus’ question/invitation into something else of which my ego would be satisfied, such as prosperity, wellness, safety, security, comfort, etc.; but that is not promised when Jesus’ asks, “come, follow me?”

What is Happening to this Nation?

What is happening to our country and the moral fiber or character of this nation? David Brooks, a conservative columnist for the New York Times, put it this way, first in an interview, then in an article (April 7, 2025). "Until January 20, 2025, I didn’t realize how much of my very identity was built on this faith in my country’s goodness—on the idea that we Americans are partners in a grand and heroic enterprise, that our daily lives are ennobled by service to that cause. Since January 20, as I have watched America behave vilely—toward our friends in Canada and Mexico, toward our friends in Europe, toward the heroes in Ukraine and President Volodymyr Zelensky in the Oval Office—I’ve had trouble describing the anguish I’ve experienced. Grief? Shock? Like I’m living through some sort of hallucination? Maybe the best description for what I’m feeling is moral shame: To watch the loss of your nation’s honor is embarrassing and painful." Thanks, David Brooks, I agree!

We Want Answers; God Wants Relationship

Jesus did not promise that all our prayers would be answered. In John 16:26 Jesus says, “In that day you will ask in My name and I do not say to you that I will request the Father on your behalf” (NASV). Jesus said this after he said we could “… ask the Father for anything, He will give it to you in My name.” (John 16:23, NASV). Often, I want to say, “Jesus, make up your mind; which is it?” Could it be that Jesus wants us to meditate and ponder such a conflict as we prayerful argue our confusion with God much like Job did. Maybe it is not the answer God wants to give us but a maturing relationship in which we are free to question and, even doubt. I believe God wants a personal and free relationship with us rather than being the “answer God for our needs, desires, wants, requests, etc.” Be careful what you ask God for because you may receive something much more valuable, i.e., a relationship.

I anticipate a lot of surprises in Heaven

In Jesus ‘Priestly prayer’ (John 17:23) he prays “that they may be perfected in unity….” Jesus is praying for the disciples as well as us, the present-day followers. His prayer indicates that our “perfection” is accomplished in “unity.” I wish that all Christians would cease fighting about whose church and doctrine is right. Jesus’ desire in this prayer is we could agree that we are all pilgrims seeking a relationship with God. Relationship with God is more important than whose doctrines are correct. I know I do not have everything figured out correctly—whatever “correctly” means. I would like to be a Baptist/Methodist/Episcopal/Catholic/Pentecostal/Quaker/Orthodox/Presbyterian/Disciples/Church of God/Church of Christ/ etc. and on ad-nauseum. Why have we established so many different churches and denominations? Why do we have to choose? Why can’t we belong to several churches and denominations? Why do we need to be so certain that my way is the only way as well as the right way? I anticipate a lot of surprises in Heaven.

Easter means following Jesus and that will involve “self-emptying.”

Easter means following Jesus and that will involve “self-emptying.” Philippians 4:5-11 tells us Jesus emptied himself of heaven’s grandeur to become a human and then further emptied himself to die on the cross. Following Jesus means emptying myself my ego’s needs and expectations, things like money, influence, power, prestige, etc. I cannot do this emptying by myself; I may have the desire, but I will need the continuing assistance of the Holy Spirit. These things are not evil or bad in and of themselves but if we are not careful, they become our primary desire. Our primary desire, as Jesus’ followers, is to become hidden with Jesus, as in Jesus’ Gethsemani prayer “not my will but Thine be done”. Self-emptying, among other things, involves not becoming so attached to this world’s things and ideas that if we do not have them, we become envious, jealous, upset, frustrated, angry, etc. Not being attached does mean we do not care; it means those things are not our soul’s identity, i.e., we can take them without their meaning too much and/or we can do without them. It is Easter and the message is dying to self, or self-emptying, and let God raise you up. Do not try to raise yourself because it does not work. Easter means following Jesus and that will involve “self-emptying.”

The Blame Game Rarely Works

Blaming is nearly always a failure to take personal responsibility. The student blames the teacher for such a difficult examination. However, the reality is the student has not been studying, especially the evening prior to the examination. The employee blames the boss for having too difficult of expectations. The boss blames the Board of Directors for being so unyielding to take the risk. The Board of Directors blames the financial situation of the country. There is no end to blaming. This is not to say that others may not have some culpability but, often, blaming others is my failure to take responsibility. It is healthier to admit, “I messed up and I’ll learn so as to do better next time.” The blame game rarely works but, nevertheless, it can be endless. Blaming can be like the AA phrase, “It does not work but I do it very well.”

Those in power use their power and influence to stay in power

White, wealthy patriarchy has moved prominently again into the American culture. Look at all the white, wealthy men who are making basic decisions for our country in 2025. White, wealthy patriarchs are seeking to put Afro-Americans in their place as well as the gay populations. On television we see them attempting to put south and central American immigrants in their place. The white patriarchs even define what is someone’s ‘place’, which is basically not among the white, wealthy patriarchs and their kin. One of their tactics is to demonize others with whom they are unwilling to share power and influence, so they bind immigrants like animals, parading them on television and trying to convince us they are criminals, even though they have never been accused or tried in a court of law. The philosophy and culture of slavery has not left the shores of the USA. Those in power use their power and influence to stay in power. Lord, in Your mercy, open our eyes and hearts.

White Patriarchy Continues to Thrive Among Southern Baptists

In 1961 and ’62 I took Bible classes from Dr. Rowena Strickland at Oklahoma Baptist University. “Yes,” she taught the “preacher boys” as we were called at that time. Since then, the times have been changing. Some white men of the Southern Baptist Convention gained power and influence and decided they did not want women in positions of teaching men or preaching. The Bible has not changed but the Southern Baptist Convention culture has changed. Phoebe is still a deacon (Romans 6:1-2). The first evangelists are still those women at the tomb who told the men who had run off in fear (Mark 16:19). Pricilla and Aquilla are still Paul’s teachers and Pricilla’s name is listed first (Romans 16:3). White patriarchy put women in their place among Southern Baptists, falsely teaching that women are not meant to teach men, preach or be Church leaders. Thank God, other denominations saw better and did not give in to white male patriarchy. As a recovering Southern Baptist, I grieve (“Yes” anger is a part of grief) that so many Baptists have “gone along in order to get along” and white patriarchy continues to thrive among Southern Baptists.

I am not pleased with this “new way” of governing

I am concerned, or better yet, alarmed, by the direction of our country. I am concerned about governing by Presidential Decrees rather than by the Legislative debates and majority vote. I am also concerned about the role of Justice which is to be above partisan politics. Judges appointed by whomever are to reflect justice by the constitution and law rather than by a political person or party’s desires. I believe in the balance of powers or influence within the government. The way of legislation is slow but it is to be a reflection of the people through a specifically outlined process. That is not happening at present, and I am concerned and not pleased with both the results and this “new way” of governing.

Grieving is a Difficult Process

Grieving is a difficult process, and that process may involve a long time. There is no time limit for grief. You really don’t want to forget a loved one and, therefore, during those times and places where and when we remember, the pain of grief may come with that remembrance. Grieving is difficult because it is frequently mixed with anger. You may be angry with the person who has died because they did not go to the physician earlier or did not comply with doctor’s orders. You may be angry at God for permitting death to be a part of life’s journey. You may be angry at relatives and friends who give you strong but unsolicited advice. You may be angry at yourself for not having been a better person. My suggestions are: (1) recognize that anger is part of grief’s journey and (2) try not to take your anger out on those you live with or are close to you. I recommend journaling as a place to write your anger. A journal which no one will ever read.

We need to protect each other’s right to live and worship as we believe.

“Remember, the greatest evils are not done by people who believe that what they do is wicked, but by those who believe that what they do is righteous!” (Jesus and the Powers, N.T. Wright & Michael Bird, pg. 148). I fear this notion of Christian Nationalism. It has a deep and strong foothold in America, especially among political organizations that seek the blind assistance of Church leaders and folks. Churches have become blinded by their ego needs for a place at the political table of decision making. The USA is a nation of plural religious bodies, Muslims, Christians, Jews, Hindus, Buddhists, etc. We are also a variety of nationalities, skin color, languages, etc. We are not only a white, English speaking, Christian nation. We need to protect each other’s right to live and worship as we believe.

Some Thoughts About Downsizing

My parents and grandparents were independent thinkers. They had their philosophies of life, one of which was “Don’t ask someone else to do what you aren’t willing to do yourself.” I have taken that philosophy into most of my life and especially about government. Regarding this downsizing of the federal government, I don’t know but some downsizing probably needs to happen. However, I disagree with the method by which it is presently being done. I would say, “Okay, let’s downsize. Let’s begin with the Executive branch and you downsize yourselves—shall we say--10%. After that let’s go to the Legislative branch and downsize 10%. Then we can go to the Judicial branch and downsize 10%. After these branches have completed their downsizing, then we go to those programs that affect us ordinary citizens. I would say to those doing the downsizing, begin with yourselves first and become good role models for us.

Life Changes

Ulysses in Troilus and Cressida has it, “Untune that string, and hark what discord follows.” (James Hollis, THE BROKEN MIRROR, page 154). When folks come to therapy, it is usually because some “string” in their life has become “untuned,” perhaps through disease, aging, divorce, death, dismissal of job, etc. The issue is the task to (1) put one’s life back together, i.e., tune the string again or (2) is this “unstring” a call to a different life? It is certainly a time for discord, confusion, anxiety, fear, etc. I suspect for many the effort is the first or let’s try to deny or not accept that my life is changing. It is the refrain “I don’t like change” and, therefore, I attempt to resist change. Perhaps, we want to remain young adults even as we age, or we want to have no decrease in our financial income even though it is our retirement time. Often, this “untuning of the string in our life” is a call to accept and enter a different life. Rather than discord, we are being called to learn a new life’s tune.

The Present Day Trail of Tears

In the 1830’s President Andrew Jackson signed the “Indian Removal Act” which removed native Americans, using military force, from the southeast USA, including Kentucky. These native Americans were removed to “Indian Territory,” now known as Oklahoma. They were removed because the “white settlers” felt uncomfortable around them and wanted their lands for themselves. The native Americans were accused of all types of criminal activities by both the USA government and the white settlers. These accusations were untrue. One of those native American tribes was the Shawnee native American nation. The white settlers, with government’s military force, took their land, without compensation, and forcefully removed them. The “Trail of Tears” is worth googling where we learn that thousands of those native Americans, including thousands of children and women, died on that forced march from places like Kentucky to Oklahoma. I was born in Shawnee, Oklahoma. I grew up knowing about the Trail of Tears. It involved the Shawnee native Americans, called “Indians,” which was intended to be a demeaning term. With this as a part of our nation’s history, the present emphasis of forcefully removing immigrants seems like a repeat of a terrible portion of American history. No wonder the Government does not want this part of the nation’s history to be told and studied. This was not morally right in the 1830s and it is not right in 2025.

I Choose Voices

My preferred method of communication is voice to voice, a conversation with the individual. Texting and emails are very efficient and give you a record. They are extremely popular today, even with emojis as a response to communicate an emotion. Nevertheless, I would prefer to talk with the person. If a person and I are talking, we can hear the emotion. One of the things that I miss about my parents and brother, who are all deceased, is the sound of their voices. I am not able to recreate their voices in my head. I miss hearing them. A person’s voice is unique. There may be voices that sound alike, but each voice has unique qualities. Texting, emails, even with emojis, are not unique. One day in the future my voice and the voices of family and friends will be silent. Until then, whenever I have the option, I choose to hear their voices and for them to hear my voice.

In a conflicted time, I will continue to pray for our nation, even President Trump.

This is a conflicting day for me. I celebrate the memory of Rev. Dr. Martim Luther King, Jr. I grieve the reality of Mr. Donald Trump, Jr. becoming President. I fear that Donald Trump will seek to undue the progress that our nation made under the leadership of Dr. King, Jr., and others. I hear Rev. Franklin Grahams’ prayer and wonder if his father was ashamed as he continues making self-glorification of his Father’s heritage of serving God and others without prejudice. In my therapy practice I have learned to notice body language. I noticed that Mr. Trump neither closes his eyes nor lowers his head during the prayers. Folks may interpret that as they may, but I see at least a lack of reverence and surely much more. President Trump’s speech was a clear example of narcissism, i.e., that God ordained him to be President, as he belittled and criticized others who dare to disagree with him. In a conflicted time, I will continue to pray for our nation, even President Trump.