Saturday, August 21, 2010
Wobbling along
I've been reading a wonderful book on prayer. Bro. Frederick, a monk at the Abbey of Gethsemani, put me on to Michael Casey. His book, Toward God, is full of wisdom about prayer. From reading Father Casey's book (he is a monk in the Tarrawarra monastery in Australia), I get the sense that he has been praying for many years and not just talking about it. He writes about the struggles that I have. We usually desire some kind of benchmark or standard so we can tell we are progressing in the spiritual life. Monk Casey writes, "We wobble along the journey, stumble off the path, find ourselves attracted in other directions, stand still, even regress. This is almost a universal experience. What is significant is the strength of the reflex that keeps us bouncing back. There is something we keep returning to: a vision, a dream, a hope. Something gives us the courage to get up after each fall and resume the journey. This is concrete evidence of the Spirit's work, far more potent than any spiritual euphoria." (page 122-123) This guy is one who really prays and not one who just talks about praying. He describes my spiritual and prayer journey. He's been where I've been repeatedly.
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For years I have admired people who have a regular spiritual practice but I have said of myself that I "have Attention Deficit Disorder of the spiritual life". I'll come across someone else's practice and I'll decide I like it and begin to do it. Then, a month or two later, I'll notice that I'm doing something different. I have that strong reflex that pulls me toward some spiritual practice but I "wobble". Recently I spoke about this with my spiritual director and she said just the thing I needed to hear. "Cherry, it's not about WHAT you DO; it's about being FAITHFUL." This has had the effect of revolutionizing my spiritual life. Thanks for sharing your struggles with this, Rick.
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