Life Changes

Ulysses in Troilus and Cressida has it, “Untune that string, and hark what discord follows.” (James Hollis, THE BROKEN MIRROR, page 154). When folks come to therapy, it is usually because some “string” in their life has become “untuned,” perhaps through disease, aging, divorce, death, dismissal of job, etc. The issue is the task to (1) put one’s life back together, i.e., tune the string again or (2) is this “unstring” a call to a different life? It is certainly a time for discord, confusion, anxiety, fear, etc. I suspect for many the effort is the first or let’s try to deny or not accept that my life is changing. It is the refrain “I don’t like change” and, therefore, I attempt to resist change. Perhaps, we want to remain young adults even as we age, or we want to have no decrease in our financial income even though it is our retirement time. Often, this “untuning of the string in our life” is a call to accept and enter a different life. Rather than discord, we are being called to learn a new life’s tune.

The Present Day Trail of Tears

In the 1830’s President Andrew Jackson signed the “Indian Removal Act” which removed native Americans, using military force, from the southeast USA, including Kentucky. These native Americans were removed to “Indian Territory,” now known as Oklahoma. They were removed because the “white settlers” felt uncomfortable around them and wanted their lands for themselves. The native Americans were accused of all types of criminal activities by both the USA government and the white settlers. These accusations were untrue. One of those native American tribes was the Shawnee native American nation. The white settlers, with government’s military force, took their land, without compensation, and forcefully removed them. The “Trail of Tears” is worth googling where we learn that thousands of those native Americans, including thousands of children and women, died on that forced march from places like Kentucky to Oklahoma. I was born in Shawnee, Oklahoma. I grew up knowing about the Trail of Tears. It involved the Shawnee native Americans, called “Indians,” which was intended to be a demeaning term. With this as a part of our nation’s history, the present emphasis of forcefully removing immigrants seems like a repeat of a terrible portion of American history. No wonder the Government does not want this part of the nation’s history to be told and studied. This was not morally right in the 1830s and it is not right in 2025.

I Choose Voices

My preferred method of communication is voice to voice, a conversation with the individual. Texting and emails are very efficient and give you a record. They are extremely popular today, even with emojis as a response to communicate an emotion. Nevertheless, I would prefer to talk with the person. If a person and I are talking, we can hear the emotion. One of the things that I miss about my parents and brother, who are all deceased, is the sound of their voices. I am not able to recreate their voices in my head. I miss hearing them. A person’s voice is unique. There may be voices that sound alike, but each voice has unique qualities. Texting, emails, even with emojis, are not unique. One day in the future my voice and the voices of family and friends will be silent. Until then, whenever I have the option, I choose to hear their voices and for them to hear my voice.

In a conflicted time, I will continue to pray for our nation, even President Trump.

This is a conflicting day for me. I celebrate the memory of Rev. Dr. Martim Luther King, Jr. I grieve the reality of Mr. Donald Trump, Jr. becoming President. I fear that Donald Trump will seek to undue the progress that our nation made under the leadership of Dr. King, Jr., and others. I hear Rev. Franklin Grahams’ prayer and wonder if his father was ashamed as he continues making self-glorification of his Father’s heritage of serving God and others without prejudice. In my therapy practice I have learned to notice body language. I noticed that Mr. Trump neither closes his eyes nor lowers his head during the prayers. Folks may interpret that as they may, but I see at least a lack of reverence and surely much more. President Trump’s speech was a clear example of narcissism, i.e., that God ordained him to be President, as he belittled and criticized others who dare to disagree with him. In a conflicted time, I will continue to pray for our nation, even President Trump.

Appetites Which Can Never Be Satisfied

Alan Watts in his book, The Wisdom of Insecurity, writes that we have, “… appetites which can never be satisfied—so designed that if you try to allay them finally and fully in one big ‘bust,’ you get sick.” (p, 39-40). Evagrius, the 4th century monk, spoke of 8 passions, with which we need to be cautious, and the first one he mentioned was gluttony. Those ‘appetites’ or ‘passions’ are not only related to food; they also involve our appetite or passion for money, power, influence, security, safety, etc. That list is endless. It is not that these things are bad or evil in themselves; the problem with them is that they can never be fully satisfied. If we are not careful with them, their drive, push, pull, etc. can make us ‘sick’ not only physically but, also, mentally, emotionally, socially, financially, spiritually, etc. Out task, so it seems to me, is to discern ‘how much is enough.’ That question of ‘how much is enough’ is a soul question rather than an ego question. When we have a sense of how much is enough, contentment and peace become a gift.

Our Controlling "Stories"

I have been reading and studying about the “stories” that control our lives. Our “stories” may have been true at one time but not now. For example, a person grows up in poverty and continues to believe that story even though he/she has more than sufficient money at present and little likelihood that they will someday run out of funds. Another example, a person grows up in a family that filled him/her with dreams of exceptionalism. That individual still believes he/she is an exception and now acts as if he/she does not need to keep the rules because, after all, he/she is the exception. It is difficult to move beyond our former “stories” that helped frame us with an identity. Those former “stories” whether true or not continue to have an outsized influence on our lives unless we learn new “stories” about ourselves and our lives.

Trusting my Dreams or Unconscious

I received a note from our County Clerk that I had failed to put our automobile registration forms in with our request for renewal of licenses. I was puzzled. I looked in the place where for years we have always kept those papers and they were absent. I went to our autos, and they were not there either. I was puzzled. I went to bed. Sometime during the night, I was informed by my unconscious in a dream-like-state that those papers were with our last year’s tax reports. Why they would be there is also a puzzle and a place I would never think to look. The next morning, however, I pulled out our tax forms and those registration papers were there. This experience reinforces my belief that my unconscious mind knows more than either my conscious or subconscious mind is aware of. I continue to want to trust and be aware of my unconscious mind and its message to me via those dreams or dream-like-states.