Grieving is a Difficult Process

Grieving is a difficult process, and that process may involve a long time. There is no time limit for grief. You really don’t want to forget a loved one and, therefore, during those times and places where and when we remember, the pain of grief may come with that remembrance. Grieving is difficult because it is frequently mixed with anger. You may be angry with the person who has died because they did not go to the physician earlier or did not comply with doctor’s orders. You may be angry at God for permitting death to be a part of life’s journey. You may be angry at relatives and friends who give you strong but unsolicited advice. You may be angry at yourself for not having been a better person. My suggestions are: (1) recognize that anger is part of grief’s journey and (2) try not to take your anger out on those you live with or are close to you. I recommend journaling as a place to write your anger. A journal which no one will ever read.

We need to protect each other’s right to live and worship as we believe.

“Remember, the greatest evils are not done by people who believe that what they do is wicked, but by those who believe that what they do is righteous!” (Jesus and the Powers, N.T. Wright & Michael Bird, pg. 148). I fear this notion of Christian Nationalism. It has a deep and strong foothold in America, especially among political organizations that seek the blind assistance of Church leaders and folks. Churches have become blinded by their ego needs for a place at the political table of decision making. The USA is a nation of plural religious bodies, Muslims, Christians, Jews, Hindus, Buddhists, etc. We are also a variety of nationalities, skin color, languages, etc. We are not only a white, English speaking, Christian nation. We need to protect each other’s right to live and worship as we believe.

Some Thoughts About Downsizing

My parents and grandparents were independent thinkers. They had their philosophies of life, one of which was “Don’t ask someone else to do what you aren’t willing to do yourself.” I have taken that philosophy into most of my life and especially about government. Regarding this downsizing of the federal government, I don’t know but some downsizing probably needs to happen. However, I disagree with the method by which it is presently being done. I would say, “Okay, let’s downsize. Let’s begin with the Executive branch and you downsize yourselves—shall we say--10%. After that let’s go to the Legislative branch and downsize 10%. Then we can go to the Judicial branch and downsize 10%. After these branches have completed their downsizing, then we go to those programs that affect us ordinary citizens. I would say to those doing the downsizing, begin with yourselves first and become good role models for us.

Life Changes

Ulysses in Troilus and Cressida has it, “Untune that string, and hark what discord follows.” (James Hollis, THE BROKEN MIRROR, page 154). When folks come to therapy, it is usually because some “string” in their life has become “untuned,” perhaps through disease, aging, divorce, death, dismissal of job, etc. The issue is the task to (1) put one’s life back together, i.e., tune the string again or (2) is this “unstring” a call to a different life? It is certainly a time for discord, confusion, anxiety, fear, etc. I suspect for many the effort is the first or let’s try to deny or not accept that my life is changing. It is the refrain “I don’t like change” and, therefore, I attempt to resist change. Perhaps, we want to remain young adults even as we age, or we want to have no decrease in our financial income even though it is our retirement time. Often, this “untuning of the string in our life” is a call to accept and enter a different life. Rather than discord, we are being called to learn a new life’s tune.

The Present Day Trail of Tears

In the 1830’s President Andrew Jackson signed the “Indian Removal Act” which removed native Americans, using military force, from the southeast USA, including Kentucky. These native Americans were removed to “Indian Territory,” now known as Oklahoma. They were removed because the “white settlers” felt uncomfortable around them and wanted their lands for themselves. The native Americans were accused of all types of criminal activities by both the USA government and the white settlers. These accusations were untrue. One of those native American tribes was the Shawnee native American nation. The white settlers, with government’s military force, took their land, without compensation, and forcefully removed them. The “Trail of Tears” is worth googling where we learn that thousands of those native Americans, including thousands of children and women, died on that forced march from places like Kentucky to Oklahoma. I was born in Shawnee, Oklahoma. I grew up knowing about the Trail of Tears. It involved the Shawnee native Americans, called “Indians,” which was intended to be a demeaning term. With this as a part of our nation’s history, the present emphasis of forcefully removing immigrants seems like a repeat of a terrible portion of American history. No wonder the Government does not want this part of the nation’s history to be told and studied. This was not morally right in the 1830s and it is not right in 2025.

I Choose Voices

My preferred method of communication is voice to voice, a conversation with the individual. Texting and emails are very efficient and give you a record. They are extremely popular today, even with emojis as a response to communicate an emotion. Nevertheless, I would prefer to talk with the person. If a person and I are talking, we can hear the emotion. One of the things that I miss about my parents and brother, who are all deceased, is the sound of their voices. I am not able to recreate their voices in my head. I miss hearing them. A person’s voice is unique. There may be voices that sound alike, but each voice has unique qualities. Texting, emails, even with emojis, are not unique. One day in the future my voice and the voices of family and friends will be silent. Until then, whenever I have the option, I choose to hear their voices and for them to hear my voice.

In a conflicted time, I will continue to pray for our nation, even President Trump.

This is a conflicting day for me. I celebrate the memory of Rev. Dr. Martim Luther King, Jr. I grieve the reality of Mr. Donald Trump, Jr. becoming President. I fear that Donald Trump will seek to undue the progress that our nation made under the leadership of Dr. King, Jr., and others. I hear Rev. Franklin Grahams’ prayer and wonder if his father was ashamed as he continues making self-glorification of his Father’s heritage of serving God and others without prejudice. In my therapy practice I have learned to notice body language. I noticed that Mr. Trump neither closes his eyes nor lowers his head during the prayers. Folks may interpret that as they may, but I see at least a lack of reverence and surely much more. President Trump’s speech was a clear example of narcissism, i.e., that God ordained him to be President, as he belittled and criticized others who dare to disagree with him. In a conflicted time, I will continue to pray for our nation, even President Trump.